What if the way you see God is keeping you from truly knowing Him?

What if your struggles with faith have less to do with you and more to do with how you see God?

Have you ever questioned if God is the source of your suffering, and what that means for your faith?

These are vital questions to ask.

A.W Tozer once said: “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

Before we dive in, I’ve already covered one major reason why I believe we embrace suffering as God’s will: confusion and mislabeling.

For example, we often call pain “discipline,” suffering “testing,” and view pruning as punishment. But God’s work in your life is not chaotic or cruel—it’s always purposeful and good.

If you haven’t read that blog yet, I recommend starting there first—it will give you a clearer understanding of what I’m sharing here.

The Hidden Trap

Many Christians unknowingly carry a heavy burden in their walk with God. Or worse, they have idolized suffering as a means for spiritual significance.

They believe—whether through poor teaching, life’s hardships, or misunderstanding Scripture—that God is the one who causes their pain. They think He inflicts suffering to test, punish, or grow them, and they stay close to Him out of fear, obligation, or the belief that they must endure whatever He gives.

While this might sound like faithfulness on the surface, deep down, it’s not leading to peace, joy, or intimacy with God. Instead, it mirrors a destructive dynamic called trauma bonding.

What Is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding happens when someone forms a strong attachment to someone who causes them harm, often due to a cycle of pain followed by moments of relief or kindness. This creates a confusing emotional dependency, keeping the person trapped in the relationship despite the damage it causes.

In the spiritual context, some Christians have a similar dynamic with God—not because God is abusive, but because their view of Him is distorted. They see Him as both the cause of their pain and their only hope, making it nearly impossible to truly trust or enjoy intimacy with Him – and the enemy doesn't need to defeat you if he can distort your view of God.

The Problem with a Misunderstood God

When Christians believe that God causes suffering in a punitive or destructive way, several harmful patterns emerge:

1. Fear-Based Obedience
Instead of following God out of love, they follow out of fear—fear of punishment, abandonment, or worse suffering. This fear might keep them close, but it doesn’t create the intimacy that God desires.

2. Cognitive Dissonance
Trying to reconcile a “loving Father” with a “punitive God” leads to inner confusion. How can they trust a God they believe deliberately wounds them? This dissonance often creates distance in their hearts, even if they outwardly continue practicing their faith.

3. Striving and Guilt
They may feel they must earn God’s love or approval by enduring suffering well, thinking they deserve pain because of their failures. This keeps them locked in a cycle of guilt and striving, unable to rest in God’s grace and goodness.

The Truth About God’s Nature

The Bible paints a radically different picture of God’s heart:

1. God is Good: His nature is love, and everything He does flows from that love (Psalm 145:9, 1 John 4:16).

2. God Does Not Cause Evil or Harm: James 1:13-17 clearly states that God does not tempt us with evil or inflict harm. He is the giver of good and perfect gifts.

3. God Redeems Pain, But He Doesn’t Inflict It: In a broken world, suffering happens. But God walks with us through it, bringing beauty and redemption from what was meant for harm (Romans 8:28).

The God who weeps with you doesn't wound you. Suffering may shape your story, but it's never God's signature.

Why This Matters for Intimacy with God

True intimacy is built on trust. If you believe God is the source of your pain, it will be hard—if not impossible—to fully trust Him. You might obey Him, but your heart will stay guarded, preventing the deep connection He desires.

But when you realize that God’s heart is always for you, never against you, it changes everything.

You stop seeing Him as a taskmaster or a punisher and start experiencing Him as a loving Father who is with you in every moment, working all things for your good.

Breaking the Cycle: Steps to Freedom

If you find yourself struggling to enjoy intimacy with God because of these distorted beliefs, here are some steps to help you break free:

1. Challenge Your Beliefs About God
Ask yourself: Do I truly believe that God is good? If not, why? Examine the teachings, assumptions, or experiences that may have shaped your view of Him.

2. Immerse Yourself in Scripture
Meditate on verses that reveal God’s goodness, love, and faithfulness (e.g., Psalm 103, John 10:10, Romans 8:31-39). Let His Word reshape your understanding of His character.

3. Seek Healing for Past Pain
If life’s hardships have caused you to doubt God’s goodness, bring those hurts to Him. Ask Him to heal your heart and show you where He was present in your pain.

4. Surround Yourself with the Truth
Listen to teachings, worship, and testimonies that remind you of God’s love and kindness. Community matters—find people who can encourage you as you rediscover His heart.

5. Practice Resting in His Love
Instead of striving or performing, simply sit with God. Talk to Him as you would a trusted friend. Let Him remind you of who He is and how much He delights in you.

The Result: Intimacy and Freedom

When you let go of the belief that God causes your pain, you’ll begin to experience Him in a whole new way. Instead of a distant or fear-driven relationship, you’ll find yourself resting in His love, enjoying His presence, and trusting His plans for your life—even in difficult seasons.

God doesn’t want your suffering – He wants your heart. And when you discover His true nature, you’ll finally experience the joy, peace, and intimacy you were created for.

Are you ready to break free from a distorted view of God and step into His abundant goodness?

The journey starts with one simple question: What if God really is better than I’ve believed?

God is better than we think – our challenge is believing it.

Want a better understanding on suffering, testing and trials in their proper context? Read my blog called: 10 Lies Keeping You Blind to God's Work (and how to see clearly!)